Homily: Holy Family: 2007

Today is the feast of the Holy Family, when we hear the words of St. Paul's epistle to the Colossians: "Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they lose heart." (Col 3: 18-21. RSV)

Topical words, these. They put me in mind of some of our more fundamentalist Protestant brothers and sisters, one of whom confided in me in Nashville that she was "struggling with the command to obey my husband." I told her I was a Catholic and that we agree with the Pope who told us, "Husbands and wives must mutually submit to each other." Her face slammed shut and she wouldn't listen any longer. But anyway, had I known, I could have quoted the Scripture from which the old Holy Father (John Paul II) had gotten his words: "Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ." (Eph 5:21).

I know a couple who perfectly reflects this teaching. The husband told me: "I would do anything [my wife] asks. She has only to ask me." He also said she, on her part, always gives him a reason. Of course, he's blessed with a loving, wise and very unselfish wife -- so one could say it's easy to comply!

But what about when it's hard? What about when there is an unresolvable difference, as there inevitably is? If perfect agreement can be reached, well, great. But if there isn't, and no compromise possible -- well, then the husband has to make a decision (provided it isn't sinful) and the wife has to just trust him. After all, she tied her wagon to his star. No one made her marry him -- and if they did, then the marriage very well may be invalid.

As a wise man once told me, what husbands most desire and need is respect and what wives most desire and need is love -- not that men don't want to be loved nor that women don't want to be respected. Of course they do! But we're talking MOST. And when there's no conflict . . . no problem. But that's the ideal. The Biblical model given here is the norm. It's possible to be followed and is given us for our good. And we should model our marriages on the union of Christ and the Church. As the husband in that good marriage referred to earlier said in reference to his wife, "I would die for her." Well said. And she would for him. Christ and the Church, true love . . . til death.

[pause]

Let us now profess our Faith . . .